Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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