Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
