Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
