with your own penis?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
