The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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