The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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