I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
dude. I can hear the air.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
