She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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