im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
