When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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