So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
