i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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