question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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