Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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