don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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