He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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