i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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