the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
