did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
