The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
