They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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