my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
