She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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