At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
