so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if only i could text you this smell
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
