At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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