My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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