just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
