you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
