Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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