You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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