carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
