Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
