I like my sex mixed with concussions.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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