one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
