Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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