Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
