I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
