if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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