So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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