This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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