Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
