3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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