mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
