Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
