then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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