Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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