I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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