its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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