Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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