Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
