the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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