I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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