who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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