is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
