she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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